The Holiday Conundrum: Navigating Your Child's Needs and Dealing With Unsolicited Advice.

When you think of the holidays what images, sounds, and smells come to mind? Fresh bread rolls, gravy, herbaceous stuffing, cinnamon laden pumpkin and apple pies, a house full of visitors, suitcases everywhere and of course the noise. Adults arguing about past events and children screaming at the top of their lungs with excitement. These can evoke some wonderful memories...for some. For those who are easily overwhelmed by the sights, sounds and smells of the holidays, and the change in routine not so much. Aside from the food, there are an abundance of opinions on how you should work with your child who has difficulties communicating, or around feeding and mealtime. So how do you navigate your way through this minefield? Take three deep breaths and try these strategies.

Create A Sensory Space

This space will look different for every child. You can use a tent, or a simply place a small table and chairs in the corner of a room where you can also keep track of your kiddo(s). Elopement is real, so create the necessary boundaries. If you need to use a room, keep one thing in mind, where is the lock? If it's on the inside and low enough, you run the risk of a child either intentionally or unintentionally locking the door. If you really need to use a room with a lock that is easily accessible, think about having any of the older teens/ young adults take turns watching the little ones. As I have mentioned in previous posts, yes, many of my suggestions = more work, but for peace of mind, it's worth it.

In this space, keep a few highly desirable options and moderately desirable options. If you’re not sure what those are, or how to compile the hierarchy, print out my reinforcer inventory sheet from down below or from the tables and freebies page and watch this short video

to learn how to develop a list of motivating items.  Always set aside 1-2 highly desirable reinforcers in the event of a situation where you really need to get their attention or move them to safety quickly in an emergency. What might this list of items look like?  They would include the items that your child consistently gravitates towards- fidget spinners, pop it boards, pop tubes, textured squishies, busy boards/books, sensory headphones, touch and feel books, you can even include a weighted vest. Something that they need to feel calm (remember not to overuse this. Follow guidance from your PT/OT, for example, 30 mins on 30 mins off x number of times/day), etc. Things that you can easily travel with and that you know will help them feel calm and centered.

FSP_Reinforcer Inventory_Template.pdf

Download PDF • 520KB

Decide: Educate or Nod and Say Thank You for Your Suggestion

Family gatherings can bring unsolicited advice. Remember the adage, “You can’t control what others say, you can only control how you respond”. So, what’s my advice? Maintain your peace and calm. Your head is already going to be on a swivel keeping an eye on your child. Decide ahead of time, are you going to take the time to educate well meaning, but misinformed family members or are you simply going to leave it be with a polite nod, smile, and a “Thanks for your suggestion. I’ll look into that.” Maybe a“That’s interesting, I’ll talk to my team of therapists. Thanks!”  For the most part, people only want to be helpful, their intention isn’t to imply that you don’t do enough, or that you don’t know what you're doing. Tone, the words they use, how often they say it, can be perceived negatively, especially when you’re already overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, jerks do exist, but even then, why relinquish your power? They can only affect you if you let them. Master your blank stare, and "mmmhmm’s"or nod, smile, and say thank you for your suggestions.  If you choose to educate, keep in mind that not everyone understands the terminology. So, educating is going to involve a good amount of defining, providing concrete examples and responding to more questions. For example, if you say, “He needs specific sensory input.” What is sensory? What do you mean by input? Why does he need that? Why can’t he just understand that now is not the time for a sensory break? Why can’t you just give him the Ipad? Why can’t you leave the weighted vest on for hours on end? So on and so forth. Educating takes time, and patience. There is no right or wrong decision here. Choose what works best for you.

Use visuals

If your child attends a school where the TEACCH methodology is implemented or any special education district for that matter, then you’ve seen visual schedules and check ins galore. Think about creating one for the holidays. Break the entire weekend or trip down. Do you need a visual of the mode of transit? Add it. Check in to any activities and events with “Time for car/plane/train” using the word symbol or picture symbol. Use symbols for dinner, playtime, pool time, all done, etc., to maintain consistency. Doing so allows your child to easily transition between activities. Let’s say you’re taking the train to grandma’s apartment. Do you need a visual of the stops on the train, or will a number board suffice? Let’s say your stop is the 12^th one on the train line. Keep a number board with a dry erase marker and cross of 1-12 as you go. Don’t wait until the last second to cross it off and hurriedly grab your belongings and their hands. Using the same example, after the 11th stop, talk them through it and let them know "12 is next, time to get up" and prepare for disembarking.

You can make visuals for a flight. Create a board with step- by- step instructions to look for the seat number and letter and use a first/then prompt or visual board- first sit down, buckle belt, then snack, iPad, or coloring book, or play-dough.  I've provided an example on the right.

Make the wording as simple or complex as they can handle. In the

example, I tried to keep it simple with short phrases that are easy to rehearse for a child who comprehends 2-4 words. I used a cartoon picture for this example, but I recommend individualizing it as much as possible. Insert an actual picture of grandma, and screenshot a pic of grandma's house from google maps to put in.

If a first/then board is enough, be sure to use a reinforcer that will hold their attention.  You can print out the first/then board and countdown from my tables and freebies page,

First/Then Board

and find guidance on creating your own activity board in the blog post”Making Communication Boards on PowerPoint”.

 Remember use the supports they need. If writing out the order of events is sufficient, great! Not all kids need picture symbols. Sometimes having it written out to review is enough.

Here's a little bit of info on why visuals can make a difference...

Visuals help them comprehend the spoken word by pairing them with a concrete representation of the word. A child who has difficulty processing information either needs time (a few extra seconds) to decode what was said to them or needs some support to decode what was said and comprehend its meaning. Some kids aren't able to parse out the important information in the environment ( speech sounds vs random environmental sounds). When that happens only some sounds are processed resulting in a loss of information. Thinks of that famous I Love Lucy scene in the chocolate factory. Once the conveyor belt started moving faster, things started backing up, chocolates were flying off the table, ending up on the floor and not getting packaged. That’s what happens when there is a lag in decoding information. Some information goes through, but some doesn’t, potentially leading to jumbled mess. You can see how difficult it would be to sufficiently comprehend all the verbal information we give them especially when there is constant sensory information bombarding them in the environment (cars and trucks going by, the hum of electronics, doors opening and closing, etc). Visuals can help whether you have a child who needs a picture of a plane to understand what it means when you say "Plane", or if you have a child who can read and knows what the written word "p-l-a-n-e" represents but isn't able to comprehend the spoken word "Plane" as easily just yet. Along with visual supports, slowing your rate of speech, making sure they focus on the object and your face when you provide cues, exaggerating the articulation of visual sounds, letting them feel your face as you shape your mouth to produce different sounds, can help increase comprehension. What combination works best? It always depends on the child. Every child is different, but I will say that repetition, and consistency is key.

As with any suggestions, take what works for your child and leave what doesn’t. Be prepared, be ready to adapt, and be easy on yourself. You can’t anticipate or control everything, so don’t place that expectation on yourself.

Have a Safe and Happy Holiday Season!!!

References:

Chen, T., Yang, W., Wang, Q., Zhang, Y., & Ma, Z. (2020). Effects of social stories intervention for children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorders: A protocol for a systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Medicine, 99(37), e22018. https://doi.org/10.1097/MD.0000000000022018

Critz, Catharine et al. (2015) Sensory Processing Challenges in Children. The Journal for Nurse Practitioners, Volume 11, Issue 7, 710 - 716

Thomas, N., & Karuppali, S. (2022). The Efficacy of Visual Activity Schedule Intervention in Reducing Problem Behaviors in Children With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Between the Age of 5 and 12 Years: A Systematic Review. Soa--ch'ongsonyon chongsin uihak = Journal of child & adolescent psychiatry, 33(1), 2–15. https://doi.org/10.5765/jkacap.210021

Unwin, K. L., Powell, G., & Jones, C. R. (2022). The use of Multi-Sensory Environments with autistic children: Exploring the effect of having control of sensory changes. Autism : the international journal of research and practice, 26(6), 1379–1394. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613211050176